Finding your own voice: understanding the locus of evaluation

We’ve all said it. "I should be over this by now," or "I ought to feel grateful".

These small words - should, ought, what would they think - tell us something about where we look for validation.

They point to a concept central to psychological struggle: the locus of evaluation.

Understanding and shifting your locus of evaluation can change everything.

Carl Rogers - and the Actualising Tendency

The understand the locus of evaluation, we need to know about one of Carl Rogers' fundamental beliefs: the actualising tendency.

Rogers believed that all living organisms have an innate drive toward growth and fulfilling their potential (Rogers, 1959).

Think of a seed that will push through concrete to reach sunlight. Rogers talked about potatoes sprouting in his parents' basement - reaching toward whatever light they could find, even though they'd never fully flourish.

This drive - this actualising tendency - is built into us. It's our natural inclination toward psychological growth and becoming more fully ourselves.

When conditions are favourable, this tendency guides us. We trust our own experiences, make decisions that align with what we actually need, and develop in ways that feel authentic and meaningful.

But life isn't always favourable. And this is where things can go off track.

When conditions of worth take over

As children, we all needed love and acceptance from the important people in our lives. Of course we did - that’s fundamental to being human. development. But sometimes, that acceptance came with conditions.

Maybe you learned that love was available when you were quiet or compliant, but withdrawn when you were loud or made mistakes. Or you absorbed the message that some feelings were acceptable - happiness, gratitude - while others weren't. Anger? Sadness? Need? Those had to be hidden.

Rogers called these conditions of worth.

They're the messages - implicit or explicit - about what you must do or be to deserve love.

And they create a real problem. They disrupt your connection to your actualising tendency. Instead of trusting what you genuinely feel and need, you start evaluating yourself based on whether you’re meeting these external standards. This is where the locus of evaluation becomes critical.

What does locus of evaluation mean?

The locus of evaluation is where you make judgements about your worth and decisions.

An internal locus of evaluation means you trust your own feelings and instincts. You check in with yourself: Does this feel right to me? What do I actually need here? Your own experience becomes the primary source of guidance.

An external locus of evaluation means you look outward for validation and direction. What would others think? Am I meeting expectations? Other people's judgements - real or imagined - become the guide.

Most of us operate with a mixture of both.

But when the external locus dominates, we lose touch with ourselves - disconnected from our own inner wisdom about what actually serves us.

How this can show up in everyday life

An external locus of evaluation can be subtle.

It might show up as constantly using 'should' and 'ought' - I should be further along by now. I ought to visit them more. I shouldn't feel this way. Or always seeking reassurance before making decisions. You might find yourself struggling to answer 'What would you like?' when someone asks. Saying no feels impossible, even to things that don't serve you. You choose paths based on what will look good rather than what feels meaningful. Your mood shifts dramatically depending on whether others seem pleased or disappointed. You struggle to trust your own judgement without validation. Sometimes it feels like you're performing a role rather than being yourself.

These don't mean you're weak or flawed. They mean you learned early that your own experience couldn't be trusted - that external standards were safer.

The aim of therapy: reconnecting with your internal compass

In therapy - and particularly hypnotherapy - we work to help you shift from an external to an internal locus of evaluation.

This doesn't mean becoming selfish. It means re-establishing trust in your own experience as a source of wisdom, considering others' views while still acknowledging your own feelings and needs.

In hypnotherapy, this work takes several forms.

Creating a space of unconditional positive regard - In our sessions, you're not being judged. There's no need to perform. This safety allows parts of you that have been hidden to emerge.

Listening to what's underneath - Through hypnosis, you access the quieter parts of your experience - feelings you've dismissed, needs you've minimised, instincts you've overridden. It's not about imposing new beliefs but reconnecting you with your own wisdom.

Noticing the “shoulds” - We get curious about those moments when you're operating from external expectations. Where did that 'should' come from? What would happen if you listened to your own voice instead?

Strengthening your inner authority - Through techniques like ego strengthening, hypnotherapy helps you develop trust in your capacity to navigate life. You're reconnecting with your actualising tendency - the part that has always known how to move toward growth.

Exploring your sense of self - We look at how your sense of self developed. Which parts of 'who you are' came from your own experience, and which were constructed to meet conditions of worth? The aim is understanding, so you can make conscious choices about who you want to be now.

The gift of an internal locus

Something significant happens when you reconnect with an internal locus of evaluation: your sense of self-worth improves.

When you rely on external validation, your self-esteem fluctuates based on how you think others perceive you - and whether you think you’ve met their expectations.

But when you learn to value your own feelings and trust your own insights, something changes. Your sense of self becomes more solid. You're still responsive - not rigid - but more able to make choices that are meaningful to you.

It’s liberating. You're no longer driven by the need to meet expectations - yours or others' - but by what actually matters to you.

You can hear others' perspectives without losing your own. You can care about their feelings without abandoning yours.

The journey

Shifting from an external to an internal locus of evaluation is gradual.

You might begin by noticing when you look outward for approval or override your own feelings. Your critical voice might sound like someone else's words.

Slowly, you start making small decisions based on what you actually want. Saying no when something doesn't serve you. Saying yes to things that light you up.

This is the work of therapy. Not fixing yourself, but finding yourself. Reconnecting with the actualising tendency that's been there all along, waiting for the right conditions to unfold.

If you’re ready to explore this further, get in touch and let’s have a call to see if it is something we could work on together.

Reference:

Rogers, C. R. (1959). A theory of therapy, personality and interpersonal relationships as developed in the client-centered framework. In S. Koch (Ed.), Psychology: A Study of Science (Vol. 3, pp. 184-256). New York: McGraw-Hill.